Listen on: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube
You know how we’re always quick to label our kids’ actions as “good behavior” or “bad behavior”? I want to challenge that thinking a bit. What our kids show us on the outside is really just a window into what’s going on inside their developing brains and bodies.
Whether your child is hitting, having meltdowns, being defiant, or just seeming unmotivated, these aren’t just random things that need to be punished away. They’re actually your child’s way of communicating something deeper. When toddlers get physically aggressive, it’s often tied to those primitive reflexes they’re born with—the ones that help them survive. When a child’s nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight mode, they literally pull from that basic survival playbook. You can even see it in their eyes when it’s happening: huge pupils, tense body, ready to react.
After 30 years of working with families, I can tell you this: those chronic patterns don’t just go away on their own. The moodiness, the emotional outbursts, the challenging behaviors—they actually become more hardwired in the brain over time if we don’t address them. I’ve worked with twenty-somethings who struggle with phone addiction, substance use, and other escape behaviors because they never learned healthy coping strategies as kids.
But here’s the good news: when we understand what’s really going on, everything changes. Sometimes it’s genetic factors. Sometimes it’s gut health throwing off brain chemistry. Sometimes it’s developmental reflexes that never integrated properly.
If you feel like your child is running your household or everyone’s walking on eggshells around them, listen to that feeling. That’s your sign to dig deeper now—not wait until they’re older. At Connect My Brain, we help you figure out what’s actually happening and give you real strategies to help your whole family.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why challenging behaviors are actually communication from your child’s nervous system, not just disobedience
- How primitive reflexes and fight-or-flight responses show up as hitting, pushing, and aggression in toddlers
- The connection between gut health, brain chemistry, and your child’s mood and behavior patterns
- Warning signs that chronic behavior patterns are becoming hardwired in your child’s brain (and why waiting makes it harder to change)
- Why some kids struggle to feel “comfortable in their own skin” and how this can lead to addictive behaviors later in life
Resources mentioned:
- Book a free call and I’ll help you figure out your next steps!
- Episode 58: The rooting reflex and it’s importance for survival and development
- Episode 59: Spinal Galant and its role in the birth process
- Episode 60: TLR and it’s effect on vision, hearing, gut health, and the immune system
- Episode 75: A deeper look at our primitive reflexes and how they work together
- Episode 104: The profound connection between movement, reflexes, and optimal brain health
- Episode 166: When traditional therapy fails: How primitive reflexes change everything for this mom’s son
- Learn more about the homunculus
- Download the Connect My Brain app on Apple or Google Play (it’s free!)
- Join the CMB Membership! (use code PODCAST5 for $5 off!)
- Download Dr. Laura’s guide to Developmental Milestones
- Connect with Dr. Laura on Instagram and Facebook
- Liking the show? Write a review!
More about Connect My Brain:
Why is this happening to my kid and what can I do about it? If you are the parent of a developmentally delayed child then you’ve probably asked this question more than once. That’s where I come in! I’m Dr. Laura Hanson and I specialize in identifying the “why” and telling you the “what.” Join me every Thursday for a deeper look at how our brains are wired and how to get the most out of your mind. Are you looking to break negative patterns, overcome mood disorders, or optimize your potential? Maybe your child struggles with ADHD, OCD or other learning difficulties. Tune in to Connect My Brain, where I explain concepts like biofeedback and neurofeedback, brainwave frequencies, and much more. Let me help you change your life by changing your mind! Contact me HERE.
